I always delayed it because deep inside I wanted to believe that it wouldn't come true if I didn't think about it. For weeks I've been crying my way to sleep and was rather like a zombie walking around. But I guess I have to accept the facts and just be prepared in one way or another.
I don't expect everybody to get my point or to even sympathize. I know it's not that common to feel this way over such a thing if you haven't experienced it yourself.
I've never experienced something like this before so I never had this kind of depression in the past. I've been blessed to not have any fatal family tragedies so I guess I'm really not braced for anything like this. And besides, he's family to us. Scratch that. He IS family.
It's about Coco. You know, my cute lil black dog who I've had since I was nine. The dog who was constant companion, playmate, and friend. I talked to him often when I had something troubling me, and sure enough he listened. (well I guess he didn't have a choice anyway since he can't talk).
Coco has always been and always be the number one dog in my heart. He's so affectionate and gentle, he could probably look after a baby. He's like a person, he likes to cuddle up and be babied not like other dogs that just sits there and lets you pat their back.
There's been countless of cases wherein my friends who were once dog haters were transformed because of Coco. He's so malambing and cute, even a thief who might break in might fall in love with him. He may be a mutt, but he's the perfect mutt that I love so much. :)
He's been coughing nonstop these past weeks and he's been to the vet for 4 times already. Several tests have been administered and well..the vet just doesn't know what to do with him anymore. The heartworm thing turned out negative and the blood test went out fine. He was also given various antibiotics to cure the cough. But...it seems that nothing's happening. I feel so sorry for him when I hear him cough like there's no tomorrow because I don't want him having a hard time. It's just really heartbreaking because I know I can't do anything about it. His coughs are very hoarse, just like of a human's when they have dry cough and can't spit the phlegm out. It's like when you feel that your lungs are these tunnels that have nothing in them so the air echoes when you cough.
We just went to his new vet yesterday and Dad and Yaya waited in line for 5 hours! The vet is very thorough kasi. And the animals that are brought there are being raised by breeders so I guess this new vet knows a lot. She even attends conventions abroad! Next week, she'll attend this convention on dermatology of cats and dogs. Hmm..interesting. She gave Coco a new set of meds and asked us to bring him again tomorrow. Well at least today he didn't cough that much. I hope that's a good sign. But I'm really nervous about his heart. It was found in th x-ray that his heart is big. It's actually natural when a dog's old and usually gets in the way with the respiratory system. Hence, the coughing. (I've also researched about it in the net, btw. A lot of home remedies too.) At least I know that Coco isn't the only one experiencing this. And a lot of pet owners give advice too. But...that doesn't lessen the pain of knowing that he's having a hard time.
How I wish my dog can just have a lifespan like of humans. It's reality that everything and everyone will die anyway. But it just hurts...
I think I'll just ask Yaya to bring Coco tomorrow even if I don't have classes. I just don't want to break down there. In front of the vet and the other pet owners. I'm trying to be optimistic but I also need to be realistic for my own sake too.
