here's to a better new year

2007 has been one hell of a year. and even though the year's about to end, i'm still not sure if 2007 has been a good year for me or not. (whether "one hell of a year" is positive or negative)

Pros:

• events in school (STC) flourished. well sort of..during hs, we didn't have much activities so it was really a big deal for us when the Bandfest came. other runner-up events were Outbound, Senior's night (actually the best), personnel's day (kasi walang pasok), etc.

• early this year, i finally graduated from high school after toiling myself over sleepless months and merciless teachers. i'm really not exagerrating. college load may seem like a piece of cake compared to hs. (for now) but really, graduation day didn't really make a big impact on me. i was like "ok, i'm out of high school! ateneo here i come!"

• my family and i had a vacation in the US and i finally stepped foot in Disneyworld after 11 years! it felt great being able to travel again. in the process, i was also able to spend time with my ate (the one in canada) together with kuya david.

• i was able to gimik here and there. i'd don gigs, concerts, and simple tambays as much as you'd say "tara!"
  

• i turned 17. (so what?)

• i made new friends in college. i actually misjudged ateneo. i expected something more "culture-shocking". but really, all the conyos, stereotypes, snobbish & panay porma lang attitudes that most people associate with atenistas weren't really "there". i mean, it doesn't mean that if you're an atenean, you're rich and mayabang. don't all schools have that? i actually encountered the most accommodating people in ateneo. (ehem! hindi katulad ng iba na naninigaw ng mga applicants noong isang entrance test)
  

• i partially left my comfort zone. i tried to dip in different types of people. i didn't pretend to be someone else, but i didn't alienate anyone either.

Now for the cons:

• this has been the year where all my insecurities rocketed up. back in high school, i was fine. sure, i had the occasional self-esteem issue but i was pretty much stable back then. i embraced my imperfections and had fun with friends. i didn't mind being goofy and crazy because it was fun. i didn't care much for my appearance because i knew that my true friends accepted me for who i was and loved me despite all my flaws. i loved just "letting it all loose" because it was like i could do anything i wanted because nobody will judge me. despite all the piles of school work and stress, people were always there to give you a hug or a sweet message to just cheer you up. college is different. you just can't hug the person sitting next to you when you're going ballistic over stuff. people would also tease you as if you guys were back in grade school. it's fun at first, but it gets old and really annoying when they don't stop.

• i experienced different kinds of attitudes. never have i thought that in our age, somebody could be as immature as a grade-schooler. these kinds of people made me so miserable that i cried often.
  

• there were days that i wanted myself dead. i didn't have any suicide attempts, but gets? i felt unimportant and miserable. maybe it has something to do with my effed up hormones. and i thought i was over that stage. (when i was about 14)

• i really felt unpretty. there were people who tried to put me down.

• there were some health issues regarding family members.

• i got frustrated a lot in school. i really had to run an extra mile to get "hmmm...ok" grades.

• the tough competition made me feel tiny.

with all these, i'm still not sure whether this year has been productive or not. this has been the year where i felt the lowest. i felt alone at times and would cry in the bathroom at night. i guess i just had a hard time letting go of my "high school" life. please, don't get me started. i'm not saying hs was all fun and games. actually, it was far from that. it was a good mixture of the good and the bad, which makes it the perfect imperfection ever. in college, i really dealt with different kinds of people. some were weird, some were childish, some were drug addicts, some were music mayhems, some were kikay rich kiddos, some were super conservative, some were too uptight, some were too lazy to even care, some were normal, some were like me, and some were my friends.

i guess, this year has been productive after all. it was one emotional year, that's for sure. but it has also been the year where i learned a lot from myself.

fall down seven. stand up eight.

and i thank you dear friends for showing all the love. <3 :)

cheers to a spankin' new year! i do hope it'll be a better one for all of us.

happy new year!

-dec07-