Where did it go?

It's something we aren't really born with. It doesn't come with the package of the squealing baby and umbilical cord cutting image.

It's not something you actually think of or force into yourself either.

Some are lucky enough to experience it a young age and some just don't get its essence.

It's something that just hits you. No timers. No warnings. No prompts.

Some get hit by it everyday. Some get it sometimes. And some even don't.

It's the thing that doesn't let you rest until you've tired all your creative juices out or bled your efforts on doing your craft.

It's the thing that lets you smile at night before you go to sleep; the thing that assures you that you are indeed someone in this world.

It's something exhilarating and breathtaking at the same time. It's the good kind of drug that just keeps you up and at 'em.

It

is

inspiration.

For the past few weeks, I haven't felt any urge to write, draw, or even dream at a whim. My mind has just been filled up with school stuff (but I don't think I'm doing very good academically either). Most of the time, I think my mind's just blank. As in nada. I don't think if that's even humanly possible but I don't know... It's just been a while since I had one of those inspirational jolts that left me up and doing stuff like an energizer bunny.

I don't know if you've ever experienced this or maybe it's just me but have you ever gotten those Artsy fartsy thoughts before you fall asleep? You know, you're really really sleepy, and when you're about to fall asleep, artsy fartsy images would just flash through your mind? The things you see, it's like you've never seen them before but it greets you with this sense of familiarity. It's not deja vu. It's just something there. It's just weird because it's as if I've tried freezing those images into my brain and then I could "magnify" the details of the image. Like, I can pinpoint all the intricate designs and identify all the colors. It's like staring into a pretty picture. You get to stare it for a long time without thinking. Have you ever experienced one of those?

It's just weird because during the day, I have a hard time thinking of those kind of images. Like, super wild, psychedelic, and intricate images. When I try hard to think about having to draw something or some sort, my mind just doesn't work that well. Yet when I am about to fall asleep, all these images I've never seen in my life just pop out like corn in a kettle. I know I'm still awake and that I'm not dreaming, but how come I can't think of those while I'm really wide awake?

Hmm. And here comes the problem. Lately, I haven't been getting those kind of experiences anymore. :( I used to get it almost everyday. And I don't get AHA! moments anymore like before. I'm not depressed or anything, I just feel empty. And I can't even pinpoint what's the culprit behind all this.

Oh well, I'll be hitting the sack in a while. It's been a long night. I've been trying to write a part of the 35-page report for eco when I just couldn't stand the sight of graphs and the words stocks and percentages. And oh yeah, our very porcupine-looking teacher just told us a awhile ago that the 35 page report was to be single-spaced. Oh great. Now, I feel a lot better. Maybe I should just dunk my head into the planggana (is this how you spell it?) and just forget to breathe after 3 minutes. I need refreshment. I think I'm beginning to be a zombie already.

-may08-