I just knew it. WHY DON'T I EVER LEARN. I told myself thousands of times already. Then I went back to square one. How stupid. When I thought I was about to cross the line halfway, I just had to look back. Bad bad move.

I’m mad at myself for being so weak, so childish, so gullible. Why must these stupid hormones always take over logic? This is bull.

And now, I am back to pitying at my low self. When I was walking with my head high up, I just wasn’t ready. EVERYTHING was just a façade. As it turns out, I am no different from a an irrational 13 year old who thinks overthrowing her principles can be as easy as eating cake. It may seem like the perfect plan when the circumstances ask for it – yet it eats you up right after. Neglecting what you think you actually believe in just like that will take a toll on you. You lose trust with yourself as you yourself , break your own promises. There’s a incongruency with your so-called principles and your actions.

It’s funny how easy it is to just fall. And how hard was it to climb anyway? Isn’t that more important? All your efforts, dude. GONE just like that just because of a stupid short time pleasure.

Is it human nature to desire this? Then I wish to not be human anymore in this context. I will probably regret saying this to myself in the future but I think I really want to be a closed book already. Too much has been open and shredded. But no worries, all what is already inside will remain. I just won’t open it to anyone else anymore.
I am so disappointed at myself.

[You must want to slap me for being emo, but whatthehell I don’t care right now. I just want to rant and hopefully put myself back to logical reality]