PWEDE BANG BREAK MUNA?
It's just weird when everything seems so perfect and happy and then before you know it, it's over. I usually secretly dread super happy moments sometimes because I know that anything after that it's going to be downhill. Call me a pessimist, but I just worry about everything. I sweat all the small stuff and well...there.
It's like sometimes I just want my life to end. I haven't done any suicidal attempts and I don't have the slightest plan to but sometimes...there's just something in me wishing that I could be someone more. Someone more worthy of living. Someone worthy of adding 1 to the already very populated Philippines and actually someone worth it for the sake of adding carbon dioxide into the polluted air. Someone who could make up for stuff and actually be someone.
Am I emo? Hmm, emo doesn't exactly fit my image in the first place. Just yesterday, I wore this black top with red hearts all over it and a bunny skull with white skinny jeans and chucks. I even had this brown bAg full of silver skulls. EWW much. :)) I don't even know why I even wore that. It's so not me. I usually don't wear black coz it's hot and it's just so ummm...dark. Ask anyone I know and they'll tell you that I usually wear polka dot blouses and anything sunshine-y. Well I don't know with my mom. I think she had the impression that I liked skulls or anything morbid. I think she told me it just happened that the vintage shop that they went to in Canada had all these skulls printed in 'em.
Anyhoo, I just don't know what to do anymore. There are more down days to me now. I was usually this perky kiddo about 2 years ago. But I don't know, I just find fewer reasons to be all perked up and happy right now. I'm still this springy kid sometimes though. But that aint in full throttle anymore. Haha. THE TERM. :)) I'm just not happy anymore. I still smile a lot but most of the time those are just hollow ones. I still laugh but I don't get that SHIT-NAUUTOT-NA-AKO-AT-DI-KO-NA-ALAM-KUNG-BAKIT-AKO-TUMATAWA anymore.
I just want to shrivel up and rest. I think I'm just tired and sad because everyone's not beside me anymore. It's not that they're not there anymore. They're just farther to reach.
And Miranda, I'm seriously gonna miss you. It's funny to say this but I don't think I can handle being away from you for a long time. It's also funny that you find me very optimistic and childlike coz I always thought that it was YOUR role and not mine. I never thought I was an optimist. I just get excited over little things but I always thought you were really the kid at heart. I bring that out in you? Hmm, that's weird. I have that same connotation of you. I guess we just bring out the superbness of each other we're together. :)
It also doesn't help that I'm effing sick right now. My head's like being screwed.
I'm just so messed up right now. I think I'm slipping in my acads and my health's just not permitting me to catch up.
-july08-
It's like sometimes I just want my life to end. I haven't done any suicidal attempts and I don't have the slightest plan to but sometimes...there's just something in me wishing that I could be someone more. Someone more worthy of living. Someone worthy of adding 1 to the already very populated Philippines and actually someone worth it for the sake of adding carbon dioxide into the polluted air. Someone who could make up for stuff and actually be someone.
Am I emo? Hmm, emo doesn't exactly fit my image in the first place. Just yesterday, I wore this black top with red hearts all over it and a bunny skull with white skinny jeans and chucks. I even had this brown bAg full of silver skulls. EWW much. :)) I don't even know why I even wore that. It's so not me. I usually don't wear black coz it's hot and it's just so ummm...dark. Ask anyone I know and they'll tell you that I usually wear polka dot blouses and anything sunshine-y. Well I don't know with my mom. I think she had the impression that I liked skulls or anything morbid. I think she told me it just happened that the vintage shop that they went to in Canada had all these skulls printed in 'em.
Anyhoo, I just don't know what to do anymore. There are more down days to me now. I was usually this perky kiddo about 2 years ago. But I don't know, I just find fewer reasons to be all perked up and happy right now. I'm still this springy kid sometimes though. But that aint in full throttle anymore. Haha. THE TERM. :)) I'm just not happy anymore. I still smile a lot but most of the time those are just hollow ones. I still laugh but I don't get that SHIT-NAUUTOT-NA-AKO-AT-DI-KO-NA-ALAM-KUNG-BAKIT-AKO-TUMATAWA anymore.
I just want to shrivel up and rest. I think I'm just tired and sad because everyone's not beside me anymore. It's not that they're not there anymore. They're just farther to reach.
And Miranda, I'm seriously gonna miss you. It's funny to say this but I don't think I can handle being away from you for a long time. It's also funny that you find me very optimistic and childlike coz I always thought that it was YOUR role and not mine. I never thought I was an optimist. I just get excited over little things but I always thought you were really the kid at heart. I bring that out in you? Hmm, that's weird. I have that same connotation of you. I guess we just bring out the superbness of each other we're together. :)
It also doesn't help that I'm effing sick right now. My head's like being screwed.
I'm just so messed up right now. I think I'm slipping in my acads and my health's just not permitting me to catch up.
-july08-
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