maybe my ego is better off this way

i'm pissed off right now. guess why.
come on.
i know that i said that whatever happens i won't study in UP a million times, but i really can't help but feel bad. plus, by the fact that dad kept on saying that he's confident that i'd pass UP didn't actually cheered me up.it only agrravated it. tsktsk. i know it's kinda selfish to want it all. to perfect the 6/6 universities. so there, it's not perfect anymore. why am i like this? this super perfectionist,or rather, a trying-hard-to-be-a perfectionist? is it because of my insatiable ego? maybe. but of course, i must face the facts. i didn't prepare for the UPCAT. as in i didn't review at all, exempting the AHEAD review. i was so confident that i wasn't going to pass because there was no pressure on me. it was if i didn't exert any effort.
but it still says something. i am not good enough. i still have to study to pass. which is the way it should be. but its still irritating because there are people who do not exert any effort at all and have this extraordinary intelligence in them.
and i know i am not one of them.
not passing UP feels like a stab at the back. yet, not like others, this stab isn't that serious. many would kill to get into UP. i was lucky enough to have parents who didn't pressure me to go to UP. heck, we even arranged a deal that if ever i do pass, i wouldn't study there.
but still, my ego is wounded.
but hey, good thing that i passed ateneo and failed UP. and not the other way around. by then, i would have gone ballistic.
thank God.

-january 2007-

dlsu-wise

oh did i tell you that i also passed la salle? PSM-BMG. double major of AB Psych and Business MAnagement/
wow. LIA-COM. almost everybody here are familiar with the program. its a tough one daw, and its hard to get in.
so wow. i got accepted in a quota course? tito bon-bon even told me not to worry about ateneo because he's very sure that'll get in since i got in the LIA-COM. "dapat daw mataas talaga scores mo dun"
talaga? to tell ya the truth, passing ALL the 4 universities (AC,UA&P,DLSU,ADMU) seemed to be a blurr to me. it's as if im questioning myself. my capacity. did i really pass ateneo and la salle? and to even get in lia-com. wow. and i thought pinaka sablay ko la salle kasi i really had a hard time taking the test.
i even said "putek. ayoko na mag la salle!! ang hirap ng test! kala k ba un pinakamadali?!"
tapos wow. oh well. i'm still choosing between the two. but most probably, i'll be studying in ATENEO.
but to tell ya the truth, nagsisisi ako. my interest is really not in business. it's in SCIENCE. and if the applications were only to be distributed ryt now, i'd probably pick something related in PHYSICS> i find it so interesting. i guess i didn't fell in love with the subject ryt away. or something related to HUMAN BIO. sayang. if only i put that in my la salle application instead of the LIA-COM. its also quota e. same thing would've happened.
business is not my love.
its just something i find safe and realistic.
stupid.
i should've listened to their advice. but nooooooooooo~ all i thought about was entering in ateneo, regardless of the course.
stupid.
but that's life.

-january 2007-

atene-yuh!

COLLEGE HERE I COME!!!!!!!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ATENEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha to tell ya the truth, i was even more giddy the night after compared to the exact moment i knew i passed. haha! i wasn't really "paranoid" on the day before the results were released as i thought i would be. parang ako "bahala na. worrying won't do any good. if ATENEO is really for me, then so shall it be. i will pass. but if not, i won't get all depressed forever. maybe for just a week? what i prayed for is not ateneo itself, but a college i can "grow" in. somewhere i am meant to be in. good thing ateneo came out as the "right" college for me. or so i think so.
i didn't take the saturday release seriously. ang gulo kasi sabi nila sunday sabi naman ng iba, monday. whatever. i'll sleep na lang. bahala na.
i really didn't expect that the results were going to be on the 6th. sure, sandra told me last december. but ateneo kept on changing the sched and i kind agot tired of keeping track.
just imagine how my heart leaped when Kuya asked me my middle name.
those few seconds of staring at my cellphone and waiting for a reply were unbearable! i couldn't think well. i even controlled the "call of nature" just so i can see the reply as soon as possible.
my stomach was full of butterflies. i felt like i was a about to hurl. i was getting cold feet-literally.
then boom!
"Castro, Ma. Denise Lumanlan, bs mgt,yes =p" (11:53 am, jan 6,2007)
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the marathon is finally over.
i am happy.
EUPHORIA.
too happy that i can't sleep at night. it took me 3 hours last night before i was able to sleep.
EUPHORIA.
go ATENEO.
i simply HAD to got to ATENEO to see my name! heck, i even took a picture of it! haha..sicko!
you know, most of the people i know would tell me "alam mo ishi, nasa itsura mo ang ateneo. i can really picture you walking around the campus." even before taking teh ACET.
hindi sila konti. madami sila na nagsasabi nun. at hindi sila magkakasama pag sinasabi nila un. heck, some of them don't even know each other.
what is it in how i look? is that ok? but why do i have to feel comfort on how these people see and think of me? isn't what is important is how i look at myself? it's my life.my future.
we'll see.
Thank You,Lord.
LUX IN DOMINO.

-january 2007-