maybe my ego is better off this way

i'm pissed off right now. guess why.
come on.
i know that i said that whatever happens i won't study in UP a million times, but i really can't help but feel bad. plus, by the fact that dad kept on saying that he's confident that i'd pass UP didn't actually cheered me up.it only agrravated it. tsktsk. i know it's kinda selfish to want it all. to perfect the 6/6 universities. so there, it's not perfect anymore. why am i like this? this super perfectionist,or rather, a trying-hard-to-be-a perfectionist? is it because of my insatiable ego? maybe. but of course, i must face the facts. i didn't prepare for the UPCAT. as in i didn't review at all, exempting the AHEAD review. i was so confident that i wasn't going to pass because there was no pressure on me. it was if i didn't exert any effort.
but it still says something. i am not good enough. i still have to study to pass. which is the way it should be. but its still irritating because there are people who do not exert any effort at all and have this extraordinary intelligence in them.
and i know i am not one of them.
not passing UP feels like a stab at the back. yet, not like others, this stab isn't that serious. many would kill to get into UP. i was lucky enough to have parents who didn't pressure me to go to UP. heck, we even arranged a deal that if ever i do pass, i wouldn't study there.
but still, my ego is wounded.
but hey, good thing that i passed ateneo and failed UP. and not the other way around. by then, i would have gone ballistic.
thank God.

-january 2007-