Thursday, June 19, 2008

conquest

It's just so difficult now, when all of you kids; pretending to be adults enter this huge campus dubbed The Best of the Best. You have to always keep your cool, make 'em think that you're not actually having a hard time, and not show to anyone that you're actually so naive and vulnerable.
It's just weird. Haha. And it's also weird when I think about something serious then give out a chuckle as if it was something comical to begin with.

I've never felt so frustrated in my entire life. I cry almost everyday and even cry myself to sleep. The tears just come out even though I don't feel like crying anymore. I can't help blaming myself for all the lost time and sheer stupidity.

Maybe this is just something everybody has to put up with when it comes to life. Sometimes, you just really have to scold yourself and cry buckets just to release all what's inside.

But it just doesn't feel right anymore. I told myself I won't "quit" a million times before, but how come it still doesn't feel right? I guess this is the stage wherein I'm just downright confused and have no idea what to do next.

But I've decided. I'm not going to quit. I'm going to finish this and then start a new beginning. For a year, I've been fooling myself into forcing myself into something I secretly despise. The only reason why I ventured into it is because I thought it was just common sense to do so - it's supposed to run in my veins.

But it just doesn't okay? I've really tried to convince myself that it does, but it just doesn't.

Only few people know about this, and I plan to let it stay that way. For now. I just don't think other people would understand right now. They might also make me feel bad if I tell them earlier than necessary. No matter, you'll all know soon.

It really is frightening - diving into something that you know will make you come down with the chills. Away from your comfort zone and away from what you were accustomed to. But I'm going to anyway. For I know that in the long run, it'll be worth it. Besides, I'm doing this for me - for my self-development, and not to please others or stay where people I know reside.

The frustration has mellowed down a bit. At least now, I know what I want already and aiming for it. I am no longer the little kid who just goes with the flow and chants "bahala na" in her mind whenever a challenging situation comes her way.

I am taking control.

Despite all the early stage mishaps of being an amateur "driver", that's okay. In one way or another, I know I'll make it. Alive, mind you.

Thank you for all my friends who have given me the strength to pursue this. More or less, I feel more "safe" and guided. All of you told me that you were proud of me, thank you for all that. It's quite liberating that you're going to support me in a way. Thank you, my loves. :) I always know that I can count on you.

Anyway, I'm off to study loads. Or am i just exagerrating again? Oh poo, I'm off to study a pile then.

-jun08-

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Loadrev

Yay! I'm finally delisted from Melton's class! My new teacher seems ok, she really teaches and even let us borrow her past lecture acetates. I've even sacrificed being with my block in acctg just for Calculus! But at least I transferred to a class with the same teacher, Valix. He's really nice and he teaches well. I do hope that he prepares us well for the Departmental tests, though.

After all that running around Ateneo for 2 days, it seems worth it naman. But now, I wished that I included my Fil14 in my loadrev form! He gives horrible grades daw! Waa :( Oh well, but he seems nice naman e.

I'm currently procastinating right now even though I have so much to do! I'll just hear mass then it's off to work for me! Wish me luck! I do hope I won't crack (again)!

-jun08-

Thursday, June 12, 2008

AJA!

I'm betting that I won't be able to blog for the next few weeks due to my schedule! My goodness, it's only the 1st week and I'm close to burning out already! Calculus is really overwhelming and frustrating, especially if your prof doesn't teach at all! He just assigns us to read the Chapter then answer all the exercises! The next day, he'll just answer some of the problems. It's just unfair that he gets paid by just doing that! Good thing my loadrev form's looking good! Hopefully, I'll be able to submit it before the deadline. I'll simply die in calculus if he's my prof! And it's such a hassle to revise my subjects! SOOO MANY EFFING SIGNATURES.

I've been tiring myself out with some school stuff, or I'm just stressing about some stuff that's just about to come. You know me, I'm such a worrier!

My whole family's also in Canada right now, just in time to attend Ate and Kuya David's graduation. WAA i'm all home alone! :( I'm such a baby, that's all.

Oh well, thanks for all the words of encouragement Raffy, Miranda, etc.! I really really appreciate it. :) I can do this! AJAAAA! Accounting, LS, Calculus, Science & Society, Psychology, and Fil! Phew! I must I must!

Aja! Aja! Fighting!

-jun08-

Bora baybeh





t
My birthday at Bora was pretty interesting. I hopped on a plane with a bunch of strangers (44 to be exact- ate's officemates), watched anime on my ipod for 30 minutes, then it was tropical haven for the next 3 days for us. We were considered VIPs pala. When one of ate's officemates accidentally left his whole family's tickets at home, tickets were printed for them and flight attendants even escorted them to the plane. It was already about to take off, when the front desk called them to "wait". Haha. Kewl.

We stayed at Las Brisas. It's in station 1 so it's way pricey. But hey! It's all free thanks to Citibank! People pay for the privacy, that's why it's pricier. It's near the end of the island kasi, and near Discovery Shores! OMG seeing it almost made me pee in my shorts. :)) It's soooo nice!

1st day: Jonah's baybeh! Love love their mango milk shake. Emphasis on the space there! B-) Being the excited kids that we really are, ate and I changed into our bathing suits and looked around. The last time I went to Bora was about 5 years ago so there was much to see (for me). But hmm...how do I say this? I kinda pictured Bora something a bit of a baby Miami and I just wasn't seeing that. It's a bit overrated if you ask me. You know, they say it's REALLY REALLY COMMERCIALIZED. But I don't think it's that commercialized. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want Bora to turn into this baby Miami, but there's still a lot to improve in Bora.

Yet, as you look at the ocean, you can just faint. It's unbelievable how Bora's multi-shaded shores are still oh-so-clear after all these years.

We ate dinner at Aria, an Italian Resto. Grabe, pizza overload! there were like 5 pizzas, 3 pastas, 2 plates of brownies, and 3 plates of topped bread per table!

I actually felt sleepy by 9, so Wilmer's tequila rose wasn't put into good use! Haha! It's just weird when you're spending your bday with a bunch of old, workaholic acquintances - pressuring you to get drunk! Haha! Oh well, call me a party pooper, but I was really really tired by 9 pm. And I didn't even drink anything. Haha.

2nd day: My actual bday. We went around Bora again, even walked up to station 3! Pare, layo nun! I guess I got to experience a little of "everything". I got to spend it with complete strangers, on my own (I had my first long walk on the beach by myself! I was going to meet Sandra kasi. For 30 minutes, I walked along the shore! It was pretty nice actually. I got to think about some stuff.), and with a friend!

I met up with Sandra together with her fun cousins at Aria then the 2 of us went for a stroll near the shore. SHET. It's not something we pictured before. You know, late at night near the shore with the moonlight's glistening effect made it even more romantic?? Haha. The cool breeze and excellent company made it even qualify for one of those dream dates. Lying down on the sand and just watching the stars while having heart-to-heart talks makes it even more enticing. But really, we all have our own versions. :D I got to spend my bday with Sandra baybeh!


Lying on the sand while watching the sky with you was just priceless!
I love you too forever!

I know we both hate night pictures Sandra, but I can't help it! Ito lang picture natin nung bday ko. Umm you may notice the Vodka rasberry mustache. AHAHA.
My bday was rest night for them! They went all out partying for the last 2 (or 3) nights kasi. We just hung out at Hey Jude for a Volcano shot and a Tequila Sunrise .Thank you for my first ever legal drink! The bartender was even amused haha! I was seriously scared when I saw the bartender light up the shot! As in it had flames all over!





We all called it a night at around 1 am, I told you, we were all tired na from the previous nights.


Bora, I will miss you.

-jun08-



Friday, June 6, 2008

i wish i could just marry you all haha

Part of me usually dread this time of the year. The time when I have to add 1 to my age then have to put up with everyone else's excuses when they can't come to my "party". Part of me even wished that nobody wouldn't even remember that it's my bday since they seem to make such a big deal out of it. Palibre daw. Haha. That's okay though, I appreciate the affection and all, but I dunno. I don't really like being the center of attention. I don't want others to trouble over me. Maybe that's the reason I decided not to have a formal debut. I love attending those though. I just squirm at the thought of being the debutante, being the girl seated way up in front, given roses and messages that could have been better said private and stuff. I also don't like the idea of being stressed over some debut. I would rather join in the fun rather than sit up there and be "isolated" in a sense. The guests would enjoy, sure, but I just don't like the idea of being the center of attention, to the point that I aint part of the fun anymore. Well, that's just me.

Yesterday I had so much fun! I invited my high school friends over and went to Dolce Bar after. Scratch that. Dolce then Guilly's then Dolce again. :P

I think we were near 20 yesterday. Just for kicks, the table setting was formal. :P Complete with multiple sized utensils, napkins, and wine glasses. Don't worry, we weren't prim and proper. Our BIG voices and boisterous laughter could set the car alarm on. Haha. We're still the same crazy old bunch, just they way I like it. But our appetite kinda mellowed down a bit already haha.


We used wine glasses for the vodka. Love it. Haha. I guess the Mudshake was our fave, it's like drinking chocolait!

Ishi: Miranda, oh. Red Horse.
Miranda: Ayoko ng beer!
Ishi: Ayoko rin ng beer e. Mabaho haha. Kaya panay vodka pinabili ko. Oo nga pala, di to red horse. Champagne to.
Miranda: Okay, give it. (then finishes the whole glass)

HAHA. Tsktsk. No wonder she kept on giving me weird answers whenever I asked her questions. I had to repeat my question for like, 5 times! Before she could get it. :P Love you Miranda.

We left at around 1030 for Dolce but realized there was some sort of dance competition so the dance floor wasn't available. We then headed for Guilly's grill in hope for some groovin' time but the crowd was dead! They just kept on huffing and puffing their cigarettes while chugging down beer! The music also sucked big time. Plain techno, no R&B sexy time music! After 12, we headed back to Dolce and voila! It's SEXY TIME BAYBEH! HAHA. There were so many people! At some point, it kinda scared me. What if a fire occured and the Ozone incident would happen to us too? Oven kill kami.

But it was like senior's night ten times the sexy time! HAHA. And my feet were killing me! I swear, I was about to cry because it hurt so bad! When I took my heels off, my feet took 10 seconds to adjust! It was till tiptoeing! It took a few seconds before it could return to its normal FLAT position haha.

I thought that it was just my imagination that a bunch of guys started encircling us, hindi pala. Eww. Ang pasimple nila na hindi. Some of them tried getting too close, good thing we were too conscious. Parang nagtatawag pa sila ng kasama.

Guy1:Guys, dito! Masaya dito!

Okay, I guess some girls really like that kind of attention. And maybe those guys are used to meeting and dancing with strangers. But not us. :)

And hello, this girl kept jiggling her butt at my butt! EWW! As in nag-aariba ariba na siya doon. I think she was dancing in front of the guy and didn't care if her apple bottom butt jiggled other butts. HAHA.

Grabe, nakakahilo iyong lights, it's was as if it was all a dream. The lights made it seem slow mooo. Haha. Hoy, hindi kami nagdrugs ah. Ganun talaga iyong ilaw.

We headed home at around 2 am (early noh? But our feet hurt big time na e) and switched turns taking a shower. Shucks. I had to shampoo my hair 5 times just to get the yosi smell off.

But seriously, it was so much FUN! But it's not something I'd do every single week. There would be no thrill anymore if I did.


We slept at around 4-5 and woke up at around 10 in the morning. Whoa. We ate brunch together then finished the Vodka that was left. Then fell asleep watching CSI. How unusual is that?!

Thanks guys, I had so much fun. :) Love you. You're simply the best.

And oh, I'm off to Bora tomorrow baybeh! I'll be legal na! And in Bora! Sandra will also be there, so yay!

-jun08-