in the midst of excitement and confusion

it really IS WEIRD. just a few months ago, on the 6th of Januray to be exact, i found myself jumping for joy and too ecstatic to even sleep at night. know what i'm talkin about? i'm talking about ateneo. last january 6 was amazing, it was as if i was floating on air. the thing i thought as an unattainable dream was already in arm's reach. finally, i was going to study in my DREAM SCHOOL. ever since i was a kid, ateneo was the only school i was introduced to. except of course, STC. i mean, both my parents would tell me "o denise, diyan ka mag-aaral paglaki mo. tatawid ka dito...blah blah". oh crimminey save me.

or so i think.

almost all of my friends (ii2 and iv2) are going going to UST. well let's just call it the University of St. Theresa. megan and i can't help but feel left out whenever we talk about college. i know it's silly and very childish to actually think that way. that i don't want to go ateneo just because i won't have new friends. just because they're all in UST and DLSU. just because i'll be out of my comfort zone. just because i'm afraid to sprout out from my shell.

but really. it is easier to think that way. but hey, i'm old enough to make my own decisions. even if it means leaving my comfort zone. i mean hello? when should i be ready to be "independent"? when i'm working? i guess adjusting to an environment just takes some courage and willpower. it takes time, yeah. but i'll learn a lot along the way.

one more thing, most people my age have the tendency to have this LOUSY mentality towards ATENISTAS/LASALLISTAS. they label them as "mayabang, mayaman, mahangin, materialistic, and whatever crap" and i ask them this question :"what is their basis?" do they have enough proof? do they personally know these people who they call mayabang?

we are old enough to know these people(i would prefer to use the term children)! weren't we taught to never be judgemental towards others? and besides i bet the people saying these things can't call themselves HUMBLE. PERFECT even? what a great way to look at things. they bad mouth other people who "threaten" their capabilities to make themselves feel better. they simply love putting down people because they want to be on top.

and besides, you won't catch me saying "ayoko sa UST. mga poor ang mga andun. mga hindi pumasa ng ACET/DLSUCET/UPCAT"

you definitely won't find me putting down UST just because i want to. or so i'd feel better.

then why can't others do the same thing with ateneo?

is it so hard to just shut up and be genuinely happy for each other?

i know some people are afraid of me and talk behind my back. maybe because they know that i am right? come on, face me head on.

there's nothing to hide from me anyway. let's debate. or will you just remain talking behind my back because you choose to run away from the truth that i am right?and that i do have a point? that judging schools based on financial status matters?

moving along. going to UST means not leaving my comfort zone. and i'm thinking, i may remain as my old shy self. UST is a great school. in fact, many of my relatives studied there.

it's just that I FEEl that i have this calling in ateneo. cheesy as it may sound, but true. i am scared though.

it will be whole lot different than STC. there are times that i'd question myself on why i even passed ateneo when my credentials aren't that impressive. i am not active in extra curriculars. i only became an outstanding student JUST ONCE. i have a hard time conversing in straight english. i shy away from socializing. i'm your regular student. i have no extraordinary talents or accomplishments. i'm poor at math. i shy away from reciting in class not unless i am close to my class. I FEEL SO SMALL.

i'm thinking, maybe i only passed ateneo. FOR NOW. and will fail the 1st sem.

boohoo i'm scared.

-march 2007-

march 2007

hello summer!
today is officially the start of summer for me since grad just ended the other day and yesterday i went to may's house. as usual, i'm expecting to enjoy the 1st week of my summer since i will have all the time in the world to do the things i neglected during the school year. these things include BLOGGING, multiply-ing (well, not really! i always post!), reading ( i need to catch up with the harry potter series!), and bulking up! yup you heard me right! i plan to gain a few MORE pounds just so i can reserve my health especially when i start college. you know me, when i'm stressed, I DON'T EAT! tsktsk....i can't help it! it's like when i need to study, eating is not anymore important! except of course for my usual brain snacks like bananas and peanut butter. :-p but i guess those weren't sufficient enough for building up a vuluptous body. hmmm....a lot of my friends told me that they were going to start going to the gym this summer to lose some pounds. in my case, it's the other way around! but hey, dad says i also need to go to the gym to increase my resistance since i easily get sick.

hmmm...fitness first?! blah! we have our own gym here at home. only, i'm too tamad to even move an inch. i plan to just eat and laze around the couch the whole summer. appeasing right? not really. i seriously need to increase my competitiveness this summer. i need to hit the books and take up "unique" classes to make me stand out in college. i have no space for hang overs come the month of June. i'm thinking of learning chinese? hmmm. or take up art workshops to improve my skills? or even join trumpets or john robert powers to boost my confidence? i feel like a child surrounded by ladies. i can't help but notice the differences of myself and the girls my age. they are worthy of being called as ladies. they dress maturely, they talk comfortably with anyone, they have a wide social life, and they know how to deal with "other stuff". know what i mean? the problem is, i might get culture shock in college. i may be too "NENE" for my own good.

don't get me wrong, i'm not talking about drinking, sleeping around with boys, doing drugs, or anything. what i'm talking about is having a social life. well, duh i'm no dork to shy away from talking to people. what i mean about socializing is how to deal with different kinds of people. up to now, i still shy away from socializing with my old relatives. this is why i don't think that i am suitable for the corporate world. in just a few months, i'll be stuck studying one of my hatest subjects, business management, which is like MAJOR TLE and MEGA RESEARCH. remembering my 4th yr life studying tle and research makes me hurl. blah.

when i asked mom if she were to rate the most MANANG and nene during our teen years between us 3 sisters, who would she pick? surprisingly, she told me that ate anne was the most nene when she entered in college. I'm a fashionista daw kasi. well, come to think of it, i am stylish. all throughout grade school and high school, i would usually be the "class trendsetter" and is described to have a cute wardrobe. nyahaha. some would go to me to ask for Divi scoring advice. but i still can't help but feel all NENE in front of other girls of diff schools. i actually thought mom would pick me as the most nene since last week i found myself all excited and giddy playing with the marvelous toys at TOYS R' US. talk about it. where would you find a high school senior who was about to graduate in a week's time giddy all over at the sight of sparkly toys?

i guess i just didn't want to face reality yet. the thought of college scared me. going to toys r us was like escaping from destiny.

it's sad.really. it's when you have no choice but to let all things be and just make the most of the time you have left.

when i was a kid, i thought that college students were really old and mature. and yet,i find myself playing with toys and gushing all over candy with only a few more moths left before college.

Graduation day came and it was glorious. my grade school grad was a so-so compared to my hs grad. well duh-uh, i practically didn't do anything during grade school! all those sleepless nights finally paid off.

i just hope i do well in ateneo. i do hope i fit in.

-march 2007-

time for business

march 2007

i can say...doing nothing can really be irritating. this is actually the 1st day that i didn't have to worry about anything related to school. i feel restless. when i'm not doing anything, i feel unproductive and useless.

it's like pure emptiness! :)) it's just not a day without doing something.

the past weeks have been so hectic.
defense here. full feasibility the same week. submission of the final revised reasecrh paper the next. its as if stc has been trying to make us older! my lack of sleep has taken its toll on me. my head has been floating during the past week and my eye bags have been turned into luggages. ack. i fell unpretty. i guess that's what stc has been trying to do. make us unpretty. then panay community work. do i hear a convent? the training here is pure torture. i didn't know hwat to do first! i was going ballistic.

mom and dad would often see me banging on the keyboards while i impatiently do ALL my requirements. i don't think they really understand how much of work the school has given us. in their time, they didn't get to experience the "weird" sleeping time of ours. like from 8 pm to 10 pm we sleep. then tuloy tuloy na yun hanggang 6 ng umaga. half day pa minsan sa school. all for school work.

it's really unfair. they all told us that 4th yr was supposedly a hell lot easier than 3rd yr. they should be stabbed, you know that? 4th yr is definitely NOT easier than 3rd yr. it only appears easier because you act all tamad because you already know where you're going study in college. but that doesn't really dissolve the need in accomplishing requirements.

exam week was another pain. and i thought it was going to be an easy week. i like it better when its exam week. no projects to take care of. wrong-o.
i held study session with ii2 here at home to help them out. our sessions would usually start at around 2 and end around 10 at night. talk about addict.

well i do hope i was able to help them study. i guess mom kinda felt sorry for us and bought us lots of cajun burgers and fries. bad. those kinds of food are loaded with sodium and trans fats. bad for the brain. but hey, we were too hungry to think about that.

eco was such a disappointment. BULLFROG said "10 more mintes" nasa may supply and demand part palang ako. i quickly turned the page over and quickly drew whtaever came first to my mind. damn bogo. 1st-4th qtr eco crap. tae ang identification. RAR.

trigo was fine. bummer though. there were no points for solution. dang.
p6 was a major bummer. usually, i'm happy after a physics exam because i have "fun" answering the test. but thsi quarter's exam wasn't fun at all. it had RDK wriiten all over it. i guess BULLFROG was too tamad to review us for the test.

no wonder a parent complained about her and sent her away.bwahaha.
kainis lang coz we were the last batch she tortured. thelower years wouldn't be able to experience such sweet physics :-p.

generally, the exams were hard. no time to actually rest or check my answers.

i was just so happy when the bell rang! woohoo!

-march 2007-