in the midst of excitement and confusion

it really IS WEIRD. just a few months ago, on the 6th of Januray to be exact, i found myself jumping for joy and too ecstatic to even sleep at night. know what i'm talkin about? i'm talking about ateneo. last january 6 was amazing, it was as if i was floating on air. the thing i thought as an unattainable dream was already in arm's reach. finally, i was going to study in my DREAM SCHOOL. ever since i was a kid, ateneo was the only school i was introduced to. except of course, STC. i mean, both my parents would tell me "o denise, diyan ka mag-aaral paglaki mo. tatawid ka dito...blah blah". oh crimminey save me.

or so i think.

almost all of my friends (ii2 and iv2) are going going to UST. well let's just call it the University of St. Theresa. megan and i can't help but feel left out whenever we talk about college. i know it's silly and very childish to actually think that way. that i don't want to go ateneo just because i won't have new friends. just because they're all in UST and DLSU. just because i'll be out of my comfort zone. just because i'm afraid to sprout out from my shell.

but really. it is easier to think that way. but hey, i'm old enough to make my own decisions. even if it means leaving my comfort zone. i mean hello? when should i be ready to be "independent"? when i'm working? i guess adjusting to an environment just takes some courage and willpower. it takes time, yeah. but i'll learn a lot along the way.

one more thing, most people my age have the tendency to have this LOUSY mentality towards ATENISTAS/LASALLISTAS. they label them as "mayabang, mayaman, mahangin, materialistic, and whatever crap" and i ask them this question :"what is their basis?" do they have enough proof? do they personally know these people who they call mayabang?

we are old enough to know these people(i would prefer to use the term children)! weren't we taught to never be judgemental towards others? and besides i bet the people saying these things can't call themselves HUMBLE. PERFECT even? what a great way to look at things. they bad mouth other people who "threaten" their capabilities to make themselves feel better. they simply love putting down people because they want to be on top.

and besides, you won't catch me saying "ayoko sa UST. mga poor ang mga andun. mga hindi pumasa ng ACET/DLSUCET/UPCAT"

you definitely won't find me putting down UST just because i want to. or so i'd feel better.

then why can't others do the same thing with ateneo?

is it so hard to just shut up and be genuinely happy for each other?

i know some people are afraid of me and talk behind my back. maybe because they know that i am right? come on, face me head on.

there's nothing to hide from me anyway. let's debate. or will you just remain talking behind my back because you choose to run away from the truth that i am right?and that i do have a point? that judging schools based on financial status matters?

moving along. going to UST means not leaving my comfort zone. and i'm thinking, i may remain as my old shy self. UST is a great school. in fact, many of my relatives studied there.

it's just that I FEEl that i have this calling in ateneo. cheesy as it may sound, but true. i am scared though.

it will be whole lot different than STC. there are times that i'd question myself on why i even passed ateneo when my credentials aren't that impressive. i am not active in extra curriculars. i only became an outstanding student JUST ONCE. i have a hard time conversing in straight english. i shy away from socializing. i'm your regular student. i have no extraordinary talents or accomplishments. i'm poor at math. i shy away from reciting in class not unless i am close to my class. I FEEL SO SMALL.

i'm thinking, maybe i only passed ateneo. FOR NOW. and will fail the 1st sem.

boohoo i'm scared.

-march 2007-