After a sem full of drama and acads-related stress, nothing beats partying to the extreme!
Escapism.
It was my first time to go home at 4 am and it felt sooo damn good. Dancing the night (or even the morning) away felt so surreal I just had to slap myself awake. But no worries, I was still in my sane mind by the end of the "night". After 8 shots and a free vodka, we were still up and talking about theo. :P
We should do this more often, but not that OFTEN. Gets? Haha.
Entry when I was at the lib this morning. (wifi was down)
I'm at the lib right now. I'm supposed to be studying for perso but I'm too lazy. My interest in perso vanished at my sight of grades that I know I don't deserve. I don't understand. My papers were marked average. For the first time in my stay in Ateneo, I got C+s for my papers. The only thing that supports my ego right now is by thinking that my so-called teacher doesn't have the right credentials. I mean it's unbelievable that she actually has an MA. Whenever I have questions, she'd simply ask the class or me again to answer my question. And hello, I just don't really see her teaching style effective. She relies on ppt slides too much and the exams are like comprehensive exercises. Does she expect us to like memorize the book? It's so unfair.
AND THE NERVE. Ok this is an ego thing but HOW DARE SHE! She doesn't have the right to give me these grades. This is preposterous! She wouldn't know a great paper even if it hit her in front of her face.
Okay, that was too arrogant I suppose. But this is just really hard to digest.
Moving on, I finally decided on what to double major in. Haha guess. It's IS baybeh. But no need to worry. My tracks are very much hard core enough for me to swear that an extra year in the Ateneo won't be a waste. I'll be taking the Management and the Economics tracks. So why don't I just double major in Mgt (again) or MeCo right? Here's the thing. If I double major in any of those 2 it will take me too long and I just don't want to be called a super super senior haha. And since I'm just testing the waters, I think it's just fitting that I get a moderate dose of MeCo. I wouldn't want to overdo it too much. I'll take up Acc 15, Mkt 101, Fin 101/102, and Law (11 or something else). With the eco track I'll be taking Intermediate microeco theory, intermediate macroeco theory, eco of money and banking, and developmental eco. And with those IS electives I would willingly give up...hmm. This is actually a good thing. I might get the chance to take up art-related classes (which is the number 1 thing I wanted to do to begin with).
I'll be stuck with mega loaded sems since I'll be going to that euro study tour next summer - which I hope will materialize after talking to the chair of the Psy dept regarding the practicum thing.
I couldn't sleep properly for the past few days. I'm back to my stressed and worried self - I think about things too much! Well it's better than being so frustrated about going nowhere. At least now, I know I have something out of the ordinary set in my future. I just realized how exciting and scary my next few years will be. I'd be stuck in school with hardly anyone I know and will have a lot of "new blockmates". But that's just a small problem. This will be exciting! Meeting different kinds of people and forcing myself to adapt. This is what I wanted anyway, right? Haha.
And yes, I know that I'll be delayed for one year. But I don't think that I'll actually be delayed in terms of experience. I mean the work life is always there anyway - waiting. This is the right time to study - until my brain can still handle it. And the thrill of working and earning for myself will die after a year or two. With the recession going on and with all the graduates, I really need to stand out. Well my course description will definitely stand out. AB Psychology double major in Interdisciplinary Studies under the Management and Economics tracks. Minor in Japanese studies.
Haha. Okay did that look that I was defensive? Well there are just SOME people who are just downright tactless and well...annoying. So what if I'll be a super senior? It's not like that will matter after I work anyway. I'm not that old yet. Haha. And it's just a year. This 1 year could make a lot of difference in the semi-stagnant and routine culture of work.
Anyhoo, I'm both ecstatic and scared about the next 3 years. But this will do good. It will be amazing! And it's already training for my life *wink wink*. For those who I already told, you know what this means. ;) I'll be bracing a life of....hahaha.
Like OMG. I didn't expect I'd be this happy today. It was just amazing!
AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT ABOUT LOVE.
I finally talked to my parents about my future plans. I actually didn't expect they'll be this supportive. A few weeks ago I got depressed because it's as if they told me to brush off my plans with any study touring stuff. But maybe Mom was just tired when I asked her that time.
Anyway, they're giving me the go-go signal and the thumbs (and toes) up! They showed interest in the Europe study tour thing and was impressed with my initiatives of minoring and double majoring! Haha. But hmm I'm not sure about the double majoring though. I have a strong feeling it's gonna be MANAGEMENT (again!). But please, maybe Meco or eco will do. My parents are really business minded and money-oriented so it will simply not do if I don't take any business subjects. Well at least I got a taste of LS, Business calculus, and a bit of accounting.
My first option : To graduate first then take business subjects (that can eventually lead to double majoring)
Second option: Do 5 years in ateneo and balance psy and another business related course.
But the bottom line is: I have to take something business related. It's fine with me. Actually I'm ecstatic by the fact that my parents are so open that they're willing to pay for everything and are all about being the most I can be. And it doesn't matter to them if it takes me a couple years more before I formally graduate because of all the recession going on. The near future looks awfully dim and it would be better if I just stayed in school. At least my credentials will pop out amidst the others when I for job interviews. I'm a bit relieved that they actually opt for the first one. Para daw hindi ako mapressure.
Hmm but telling me not to panic and stress doesn't really make me less the worry wart that I am. But, I'm really really happy that we're about in the same page.
Broadening my world.
Just like Mom said, she wants me to spread my wings and fly! (she even demonstrated the flapping) WAHAHA. I want to knock off borders and I'm happy that they'll back me up.
They agreed on the euro study tour! And my OJT is on the works. But gosh, SO THIS IS HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN DEMAND WITH THE BIG COMPANIES. Now I just have to choose between citibank, johnson&johnson, or BPI. Okay, arrogant much. I'll be choosing the most flexible though. I have to prioritize the euro trip and maybe the other subjects that I have to take. But citibank has its charm. I really like the workaholic culture.
Chow for now!
Feeling a bit better now. I bought a loadrev form this morning and was considered a jap minor student by 4 pm. I never thought it was going to be this easy. I guess this spontaneous decision made me have one of those adrenaline rushes that makes me less stagnant. I think it's a drug! At least I'll be looking forward to the next 2 years - not getting fixed with book-ish stuff and experience something that not all people get to experience. :)
I was also able to fix my subjects already. Yeah I know, it's usually such a hassle just to talk to the psych secretary. She wasn't impatient and all-knowing today. But I guess it was just my day today. Everything went smoothly. The chairs of the departments were just there and they just signed my papers without asking questions.
I just decided on this minoring thing on my own last night. Or just this morning? The first thing I saw this morning was the Japanese studies program pamphlet...so it just hit me. I just had to do this. At least I won't feel so stagnant and useless anymore. I still want more though. But it's a start.
I already fixed my summer subject as "Fieldwork in Japan" and my practicum already. The Fieldwork in japan will have this study tour in japan and a homestay thing so I guess that'll be fun. It's not like JTA where it's 4 months, but that'll do for now. I'm still hoping that my parents will allow me to go to Japan or some foreign country during the sembreak though. Since our sembreak is only 3 weeks, and 1 week is already reserved for my Ate's wedding and Palawan, only 2 weeks will be left for Japan if ever.
And oh, one of the reasons why I've been feeling down these days is my regret over the JTA (Junior term abroad). For those who don't know, it's this thing where you go to a particular university in a particular country and take a couple of units while going on tours for 4 MONTHS. What's nice about this program is that it doesn't delay graduation. JTA students have a different schedule for 2 sems - like their classes are from april to september (I think). The minimum grade requiremnt is 2.80 and only SOM students are allowed to apply for this. Only 200+ students get the opportunity to have this privilege - they are evaluated via their grades and extra curriculars. So what's it with me? Hmm. I have a QPI of 3.34 and I just shifted from SOM. If only the JTA thing is being offered to all Ateneo LS schools. And what if I delayed shifting? I know I'm being arrogant but I'm pretty sure that I'll get in the JTA program if ever.
Moving on, if only I didn't have practicum next year, I'd probably go to that study tour in Europe thing. My blockmates and I were just talking about it last week. Good thing for them they're not required to have an OJT though. Most probably they'll go together. While I'm stuck here. Well at least the positive thing about this is that I'll learn true independence or something near that. Because if I go with my block, that'll be still considered as staying in my comfort zone. I think I need something extreme. Extreme enough for me to be scared to death and then learn and realize a lot of things in a short span of time.
I haven't actually formally discussed the minoring thing with my parents. They know I plan to but not sometime soon. But I just had to decide this on my own. I took the initiative and just jumped into it.
And I'm glad I did. I'll be saying hi to overloaded sems. This'll be exciting! Haha.
I know that I've been bringing a rainy cloud under my blog these past entries. But I just can't help it. I like blogging. It's like talking to someone and all it does is mirrors what I say. Doesn't give any advice nor any sign of disbelief or disappointment.
I'm depressed. But contrary to my normal sad states in the past, I don't want to imprison myself in my room or with acads. It's like I don't care if I don't stay in school right now or not. I don't see the immediate importance anymore. All the glamour and the so-called prestige tagged under the Ateneo name doesn't entice me anymore. But that's not why I'm depressed.
It's like most people are moving while I'm just here. Slowly getting swallowed by the murky ground. With all my stupidity and ignorance, I carry it to the useless dimension of my thinking. My existence becomes a black hole. A place where everything seems to be in rewind. Everything repeating aimlessly until it distorts the actual essence of it. No one can hear you laugh or cry. Nobody to remember you.
FYI, I am not trying to sound poetic or something like that. In fact, what I just wrote was so crappy it's enough for my ex-Poetry teacher to give me an F. Just wanted to sprinkle all my glum pixie dust. Hope the magic doesn't work on you though.
