i'm tired of getting my heart broken all over again. i feel so stupid for falling again and again. after every time my heart breaks, i find myself saying the same thing again and again.
"How could you be stupid? i thought you promised yourself that you won't fall for his flirty ways again? you know he's not serious. or is he? then why did he balah blah blah. i thought he was different from other guys. he's very sensitive and mature compared to other guys. he's the only one who cheers me up when i really have a bad day. he's my first love, how can i forget easily. "
"geesh ishi. for over 4 years, you have been saying the same old excuses. :(( you've been hurt a million times by this guy, but why haven't you learned your lesson and just find the RIGHT one for you? someone who truly loves you."
over the years, i've met guys. yeah, sure. i've liked a number too. but it isn't the same.
but hey, i'm just 16 right? who am i to say that he's the one? geesh, i have a whole life ahead of me. besides, i'll meet new guys in college.
but it doesn't stop me from feeling bad.
i hate it when he makes me feel so stupid. i hate it when we're no longer as close as we used to. i hate it when he tells me about being in love. i especially hate it when he's crazy about my friend. i hate it when he's flirty. i hate it when he ruins my mood when i'm all perky and stuff. i hate it when he acts like a little boy. i hate it when he says he loves me because i know it isn't true. i hate it when he sees me after i have tried my best hiding. i hate it when he talks to me and looks at me at the eye. i hate it when we both can't understand that we're saying. i hate it when i feel insecure around him. i hate it when i see him and try to grab the nearest bush. i hate it when he acts he's interested and that i don't entertain him. i hate it when he's in college and that i'm still in high school. i hate the fact that he had changed immensely. i hate it when he makes me feel giddy. then i feel that i'm making a complete fool out of myself. i hate it when he texts me when i'm a middle of a serious matter in school because i can't help but smile in front of my panicky groupmates. i hate it when we talk late at night because i know it won't last. i hate it when he ignores me when he's busy. i hate it when he doesn't chat me when my status in ym is "busy". i hate it when he treats me like a sister. i hate it when he makes plans of hanging out. i hate it when he's around because i'm not myself. i hate it when i secretly find him cute. i prefer him a bit disheveled. i hate it that we almost have the same circle of friends. i hate it when he's in the same college as i'm going to. i hate it that he didn't invite me to the prom. i hate the fact that i've been this anti-social dork during my high school years. i hate it when a day didn't pass by without me thinking about him. i hate it when i'm actually having second thoughts of liking girls again. i hate it when i try my best to be pretty for him. i hate it when i feel so stupid.
and i hate it that i'm really not serious.
oh i hate myself for actually posting this.
and oh and i love him.
-april 2007-
"How could you be stupid? i thought you promised yourself that you won't fall for his flirty ways again? you know he's not serious. or is he? then why did he balah blah blah. i thought he was different from other guys. he's very sensitive and mature compared to other guys. he's the only one who cheers me up when i really have a bad day. he's my first love, how can i forget easily. "
"geesh ishi. for over 4 years, you have been saying the same old excuses. :(( you've been hurt a million times by this guy, but why haven't you learned your lesson and just find the RIGHT one for you? someone who truly loves you."
over the years, i've met guys. yeah, sure. i've liked a number too. but it isn't the same.
but hey, i'm just 16 right? who am i to say that he's the one? geesh, i have a whole life ahead of me. besides, i'll meet new guys in college.
but it doesn't stop me from feeling bad.
i hate it when he makes me feel so stupid. i hate it when we're no longer as close as we used to. i hate it when he tells me about being in love. i especially hate it when he's crazy about my friend. i hate it when he's flirty. i hate it when he ruins my mood when i'm all perky and stuff. i hate it when he acts like a little boy. i hate it when he says he loves me because i know it isn't true. i hate it when he sees me after i have tried my best hiding. i hate it when he talks to me and looks at me at the eye. i hate it when we both can't understand that we're saying. i hate it when i feel insecure around him. i hate it when i see him and try to grab the nearest bush. i hate it when he acts he's interested and that i don't entertain him. i hate it when he's in college and that i'm still in high school. i hate the fact that he had changed immensely. i hate it when he makes me feel giddy. then i feel that i'm making a complete fool out of myself. i hate it when he texts me when i'm a middle of a serious matter in school because i can't help but smile in front of my panicky groupmates. i hate it when we talk late at night because i know it won't last. i hate it when he ignores me when he's busy. i hate it when he doesn't chat me when my status in ym is "busy". i hate it when he treats me like a sister. i hate it when he makes plans of hanging out. i hate it when he's around because i'm not myself. i hate it when i secretly find him cute. i prefer him a bit disheveled. i hate it that we almost have the same circle of friends. i hate it when he's in the same college as i'm going to. i hate it that he didn't invite me to the prom. i hate the fact that i've been this anti-social dork during my high school years. i hate it when a day didn't pass by without me thinking about him. i hate it when i'm actually having second thoughts of liking girls again. i hate it when i try my best to be pretty for him. i hate it when i feel so stupid.
and i hate it that i'm really not serious.
oh i hate myself for actually posting this.
and oh and i love him.
-april 2007-
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